6 Bold Ways Emotional Intelligence Helps Build Powerful Relationships

Don’t forget to focus on influencing yourself, as well as others.

Christopher D. Connors


Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Instinctively, we always seek to gain control. We may not think of it as such, but ask yourself this question: what does it feel like to not have influence or control over a situation? It’s an uncomfortable feeling. It makes us feel helpless.

The more I’ve evaluated my conduct and thought impulses in relationships over the years, the more I’ve come to understand how much I crave control. It’s human and natural. But there are consequences. When we live with the results of a mindset conditioned toward control, it ends up backfiring on us.

Emotional Intelligence and Influence

“Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.” — Dale Carnegie

What do you crave having control over most? Money? Time? Someone else’s decisions? As an author of two books, I recognize how much I crave time in solitude for using my creative imagination. What resonates most for you?

Take a step back in reflection and you’ll realize no one likes being controlled by another person. We do, however, like to be influenced. Influences begin in our thoughts which are imbued by emotions. The more we lead with self-awareness and empathy, the better we are for someone else.

In order to progress in our relationships, we are far better suited to aim for influence over outcomes, as opposed to striving for control over things we cannot control. By working toward influence in relationships, we gain new insights, develop empathy and practice listening with greater intention. We genuinely want to understand another human being.

That makes both us and the object of our affection better.

At the intersection of understanding our emotions and influence, we find greater insights into how to improve our relationships. Dr. Alex Lickerman shares his thoughts on the topic of emotions in relationships and how the power of influence makes a big difference:

The price of having satisfying relationships, then, lies in the fact that others will often not do as we